Time to get back on track.

It's time to get back on track.

Over the past few months I have noticed that  running is slipping,  while blogging and photography are both virtually nonexistent.  For about the past six months, I just haven't been myself.  From searching for a job, to interviewing and applying for a job, and then taking on a new job; I feel like I have lost myself along the way.  With the new job, I feel like all of my interests and passions have been ripped away.  There's never enough time.  Don't get me wrong, I am grateful for the new job and I am immeasurably grateful for the daily blessings bestowed upon my family and me.  

Nevertheless, I miss my former self. 

There is nothing like a major life change to make one realize that whether you are ready or not, you will never be your former self again.  I also know from my short 35 years of life, that things will get easier with the new job and that it takes time to fall into a new routine.  It all takes time.  Unfortunately, I'm feeling impatient. I am ready to feel settled and content on the weekends, instead of stressed to the point of tears every Sunday night.  

We took the boys to Williamsburg for a few days a couple of weeks ago.  It was a wonderful weekend. We combined Kingsmill (my favorite destination in the 'Burg) and Great Wolf Lodge (in honor of Nicholas turning SIX).  For about a day (definitely not the whole weekend), I relaxed and I laughed with Josh and the boys. And,  it was wonderful.  The relaxation and laughter quickly ended and the stress returned on the way home.  

This will all get easier, right?  I was so content last spring with my little part time job and feeling connected to our community and our children.  I miss those feelings of contentment.  I miss running, photography, and blogging, and CHURCH.  Little by little, I am going to try to incorporate the parts of me into this new situation.  

Let's just note that through all of these tears, Josh has been a saint.  He lifts me up every week, and I am so grateful.  

This week a friend and mentor of mine sent me a race link.  This friend is also a writer, a beautiful writer, with an amazing blog.  When I looked up his blog, I felt inspired to write again.  You should check it out, you know for the days that I don't blog:  Inforandum.  

Missing the blog-

This summer has been completely action packed, at all times, which means it is really difficult to squeeze in the time to write. I used to write after the boys went to bed, but now they stay up so late that I don't make it much past their bedtime myself. 

I do miss the writing about our days, though. It is my hope that this week I can blog (even just a little) about what we have been up to this summer. I'm finding that older children are less work, in many ways. However, older children do not slow down until later at night, nor do older children NAP. (At least our children, anyway.) 

This week and for the remainder of the summer, I have very little planned- no more camps! That doesn't mean that we will be laying around eating ice cream all day, of course. But, maybe-- hopefully, the days will slow down just enough that we will all be happy to return to school and to a normal schedule. Nicholas will start kindergarten this year! (Hurray!) Michael will enter third grade! (Can't believe it!)  And, I WILL be going back to work! (Hello, Cleaning Lady! YEEEES!!) 

I look forward to writing more in the next few weeks about our summer adventures. 

A Magical Place-

Surprised-

The computer crashed last night and I'm applying for jobs for the 2014-2015 school year. I'm surprised I'm holding it together right now without losing all composure.   (I'm not looking for more than ONE job, but I'm applying left and right and praying that something will work out.) If nothing pans out, I will be disappointed, but also ok. (I think. I hope. I pray.) Somehow, through it all, I haven't chewed on Josh at all and I haven't cried!  (Well... I cried one time today, but that wasn't related to anxiety!) 

Nicholas wrapped up his very last day at the preschool / daycare that we have used since he was about 9 months old. Where has the time gone? It has been such a wonderful second home for our boys, and especially for our baby. Who knows, though, maybe I will get a job and we will use them for before and after school? It's hard to tell what the future holds. 

I'm irritable due to the uncertainty that lies before us. The whole computer crashing thing in the midst of applying for jobs, definitely adds to the irritability and anxiety. A friend told me at t-ball the other night, "God has a plan for you. Don't worry." She's right. With that, I felt my shoulders relax just a teeny bit. 

The Graduate :

The following lines are spoken and written by our superintendent, Michael F. Murphy.  Aside from Anna Quindlen, I think he wrote one of the most beautiful graduation speeches I have ever read.  I have saved his speech, in its entirety, to give to both of our boys when they graduate from high school one day.  (That's how moved I was by his words.) And, while this is a morbid thought, reading his speech made my think: what if I'm not here for their graduations from high school and college?  I then decided that I need to start a special box for both of them; a box of things that are special to me or things that I want them to read or listen to just in case our time is cut short, OR as a celebration of cutting the cord adulthood.   (Either works.)

Onto PART of the commencement address :  

It’s a conversation that goes like this.  

Together, we can, and together, we will.  

Young, old, black, white, brown, rich, poor, straight, gay, born-here, born-there, disabled or not… it really doesn’t matter.  

What matters is that you embrace the world and all that it has to offer, and that you do it with love, dignity, and respect.  

And that you give back so that those that love you, and those that held you, guided you, and nurtured you, can see, feel, and can taste the difference you have made.  

Not for yourself, but for those that need you.  

And believe me, right now, the world needs you.  

So go forth and do great things, and use your head, your heart, and your voice to make a difference.  

Today the journey begins.  

Tomorrow belongs to you. 

  Written By: Michael F. Murphy, Ed.D.  

 Class of 2014 Graduation Remarks 

June 5, 2014  

Nicholas graduated, if you will, from preschool last week along with some of his very best buddies and his sweet cousin, Grady.  Surprisingly, I did not cry!  Not even one tear! The boy is beyond ready for full day kindergarten.  (Beyond ready.)  He was genuinely proud of the songs, and of his future career choice.  Nicholas stated that he would like to be a ... SKYLANDER one day.  That would be a pretty awesome job,  and is unchartered territory for sure. Doesn't he know how much I loathe video games???

This was our last graduation from this particular preschool, which felt incredibly bitter sweet.  It was so difficult to move the boys all those years ago from an in-home daycare provider to a center.  Unfortunately, I was very close minded nine years ago to licensed daycare centers.  (Why, I have no ida.)  The truth is, though, everything happens for a reason and we learn lessons along the way. It's all good.  I do feel a little melancholy about closing this chapter of our lives, but a new and exciting chapter is beginning, too. 

And, little Nicholas is eagerly awaiting the new chapter with joy, and hope, and enthusiasm.  

We plan to follow in his footsteps because joy, hope, and enthusiasm sure beat the tears!

Parenting small children sure does go quickly, though.

 

Unfortunately I did not get a picture of Josh and Nicholas because Josh wasn't with us prior to graduation. And, of course, by the time graduation was over we were ready to GET OUT and eat.  I have issues with arriving incredibly early to these functions, which means that we typically sit for well over an hour before the concert/graduation/show even begins.  Loitering around after events like these does not happen often due to my need to arrive excessively early.  

(Cousin Grady)  

And, this is a link to Anna Quindlen's commencement address at Villanova:  

http://www.cs.oswego.edu/~wender/quindlen.html . 

It is beautiful, and thought provoking, and everything that I hope for our children.  

In the blink of an eye-

Michael recently turned nine. 

Nine years old! 

He is halfway to 18 years old! 

He is halfway to being a rising senior in high school! 

I don't regret for one single second hanging onto him for another year and not letting him start kindergarten when he turned five. Yes, I'm a smother mother. 

Last week (without crying!) I told him that so far there have been three best days of my life: the day he was born, the day Nicholas was born, and the day I married Josh. He really liked hearing that from me, and he smiled as I told him that before he went to sleep one night last week.  And, I meant it. Being his mother is a tremendous blessing and I am so grateful for everyday we have together. 

We celebrated over the weekend with just a small party in the backyard.  Normally I like the big birthday parties, but this year it felt good to keep it small and relaxed.  The kids played knock-out, kickball, wiffle ball, football. The weather cooperated and they played and laughed for a few hours late Saturday afternoon. Listening to chidren laugh with the windows open has to be one of the all time best sounds.  

Life, I love you. All is groovy.

Everyone is on the mend this week and things are going well.  Josh is finally getting over the awful cough/cold, for that we are thankful.  

I really miss blogging; there are so many thoughts that never seem to make out these days.  Thoughts about Michael learning "bad words;" thoughts about Nicholas starting school next year; thoughts about how much I love and cherish the time with our family.  Today Nicholas and I took a treat to Michael's class (for a good reason, not just because I felt like interrupting instruction).  While we were there, I couldn't help but feel thankful to pop into Michael's class for a moment.  As Nicholas and I walked out of the classroom, he belted out a, "BYE, MOM!!!"  He's such a special boy.  

The camera is collecting dust in a bag these days, as well.  I hope that I can change all of that once things settle a bit.  The end of the school year is just plain nuts.  As of right now I am a "free agent" (meaning I am unemployed starting June 30) with both kids being in school full time next year.  I'm distracted because I don't know what my plan is for next year.  It will all fall into place, just as it did this year.  Patience is a virtue, I suppose.  It's also a hard lesson to learn.

Now I must return to this incredible book that I am reading - Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children.  Let's just say, it is a peculiar book!